Laudator Temporis Acti

Anonymous (17th century), The Mountebank's Song:

Is any deaf? Is any blind?
Is any bound or loose behind?
Is any foul that would be fair?
Would any lady change her hair?
Does any dream? Does any walk,    5
Or in his sleep affrighted talk?
  I come to cure whate'er you feel,
  Within, without, from head to heel.

Be drums or rattles in thy head?
Are not thy brains well-tempered?    10
Does Eolus thy stomach gnaw?
Or breed there vermin in thy maw?
Dost thou desire and cannot please?
Lo, here the best cantharides!
  I come to cure whate'er you feel,    15
  Within, without, from head to heel.

Even all diseases that arise
From all disposed crudities;
From too much study, too much pain,
From laziness and from a strain;    20
From any humour doing harm,
Be it dry, or moist, or cold or warm.
  Then come to me, whate'er you feel,
  Within, without, from head to heel.

Of lazy gout, I cure the rich,    25
I rid the beggar of the itch,
I fleam avoid both thick and thin,
I dislocated joints put in,
I can old age to youth restore
And do a thousand wonders more.    30
  Then come to me whate'er you feel,
  Within, without, from head to heel.

2 bound or loose behind: suffering from constipation or diarrhea
11 Eolus: god of winds, i.e. gas
14 cantharides: medicine to promote sexual arousal
26 fleam: phlegm

Related post: Panacea.