Laudator Temporis Acti

Lucian, Icaromenippus 25 (tr. H.W. Fowler and F.G. Fowler):

So talking, we reached the spot where he was to sit and listen to the prayers. There was a row of openings with lids like well-covers, and a chair of gold by each. Zeus took his seat at the first, lifted off the lid and inclined his ear. From every quarter of Earth were coming the most various and contradictory petitions; for I too bent down my head and listened. Here are specimens. 'O Zeus, that I might be king!' 'O Zeus, that my onions and garlic might thrive!' 'Ye Gods, a speedy death for my father!' Or again, 'Would that I might succeed to my wife's property!' 'Grant that my plot against my brother be not detected.' 'Let me win my suit.' 'Give me an Olympic garland.' Of those at sea, one prayed for a north, another for a south wind; the farmer asked for rain, the fuller for sun. Zeus listened, and gave each prayer careful consideration, but without promising to grant them all;

Our Father this bestowed, and that withheld. [Iliad 16.250]

Righteous prayers he allowed to come up through the hole, received and laid them down at his right, while he sent the unholy ones packing with a downward puff of breath, that Heaven might not be defiled by their entrance. In one case I saw him puzzled; two men praying for opposite things and promising the same sacrifices, he could not tell which of them to favour, and experienced a truly Academic suspense of judgement, showing a reserve and equilibrium worthy of Pyrrho himself.

Greek:

Τοιαῦθ᾿ ἅμα διεξιόντες ἀφικνούμεθα ἐς τὸ χωρίον ἔνθα ἔδει αὐτὸν καθεζόμενον διακοῦσαι τῶν εὐχῶν. θυρίδες δὲ ἦσαν ἑξῆς τοῖς στομίοις τῶν φρεάτων ἐοικυῖαι πώματα ἔχουσαι, καὶ παρ᾿ ἑκάστῃ θρόνος ἔκειτο χρυσοῦς. καθίσας οὖν ἑαυτὸν ἐπὶ τῆς πρώτης ὁ Ζεὺς καὶ ἀφελὼν τὸ πῶμα παρεῖχε τοῖς εὐχομένοις ἑαυτόν· εὔχοντο δὲ πανταχόθεν τῆς γῆς διάφορα καὶ ποικίλα. συμπαρακύψας γὰρ καὶ αὐτὸς ἐπήκουον ἅμα τῶν εὐχῶν. ἦσαν δὲ τοιαίδε, Ὦ Ζεῦ, βασιλεῦσαί μοι γένοιτο· Ὦ Ζεῦ, τὰ κρόμμυά μοι φῦναι καὶ τὰ σκόροδα· Ὦ θεοί, τὸν πατέρα μοι ταχέως ἀποθανεῖν· ὁ δέ τις ἂν ἔφη, Εἴθε κληρονομήσαιμι τῆς γυναικός, “Εἴθε λάθοιμι ἐπιβουλεύσας τῷ ἀδελφῷ, Γένοιτό μοι νικῆσαι τὴν δίκην, Δὸς στεφθῆναι τὰ Ὀλύμπια. τῶν πλεόντων δὲ ὁ μὲν βορέαν εὔχετο ἐπιπνεῦσαι, ὁ δὲ νότον, ὁ δὲ γεωργὸς ᾔτει ὑετόν, ὁ δὲ γναφεὺς ἥλιον. Ἐπακούων δὲ ὁ Ζεὺς καὶ τὴν εὐχὴν ἑκάστην ἀκριβῶς ἐξετάζων οὐ πάντα ὑπισχνεῖτο,

ἀλλ᾿ ἕτερον μὲν ἔδωκε πατήρ, ἕτερον δ᾿ ἀνένευσε·

τὰς μὲν γὰρ δικαίας τῶν εὐχῶν προσίετο ἄνω διὰ τοῦ στομίου καὶ ἐπὶ τὰ δεξιὰ κατετίθει φέρων, τὰς δὲ ἀνοσίους ἀπράκτους αὖθις ἀπέπεμπεν ἀποφυσῶν κάτω, ἵνα μηδὲ πλησίον γένοιντο τοῦ οὐρανοῦ. ἐπὶ μιᾶς δέ τινος εὐχῆς καὶ ἀποροῦντα αὐτὸν ἐθεασάμην· δύο γὰρ ἀνδρῶν τἀναντία εὐχομένων καὶ τὰς ἴσας θυσίας ὑπισχνουμένων οὐκ εἶχεν ὁποτέρῳ μᾶλλον ἐπινεύσειεν αὐτῶν, ὥστε δὴ τὸ Ἀκαδημαϊκὸν ἐκεῖνο ἐπεπόνθει καὶ οὐδέν τι ἀποφήνασθαι δυνατὸς ἦν, ἀλλ᾿ ὥσπερ ὁ Πύρρων ἐπεῖχεν ἔτι καὶ διεσκέπτετο.

Latin translation by Erasmus:

Huiusmodi quaepiam confabulati, in eum peruenimus locum, vbi consessurus erat ad exaudienda vota. Erant autem ordine sitae fenestrae, cuiusmodi sunt ora puteorum, habentes opercula; iuxta vnamquanque sella posita erat aurea. Itaque Iuppiter quum ad primam assedisset, detracto operculo, praebuit sese petentibus. Optabant autem ex omni vndique terra diuersa variaque. Nam ipse quoque admotis pariter auribus simul audiebam vota. Erant autem huiusmodi: O Iuppiter, contingat mihi regnum. O Iuppiter, contingat cepas et allia mihi prouenire. O Iuppiter, vtinam pater mihi breui moriatur. Rursum alius aliquis dicit: Vtinam existam haeres vxoris. Vtinam nemo resciscat me struxisse insidias fratri. Contingat mihi vincere litem, coronari Olympia. Porro ex his qui nauigabant, hic optabat vti spiraret Boreas, ille vt Notus; agricola optabat pluuiam, contra fullo solem. At Iuppiter audiens, et singula vota diligenter expendens, non omnibus pollicebatur.

Verum hoc concessit Saturnius, abnuit illud.

Nam iusta vota per os fenestrae sursum admittebat, admissa ad dextram statuens. Rursus iniqua remittebat irrita, flatu deorsum redigens, ne possint ad coelum accedere. Super vno quodam voto videbam illum etiam ambigentem. Etenim quum essent duo, qui diuersa peterent, aequales victimas pollicitantes, non inueniebat vtri potius annueret. Itaque iam Academicon illud illi accidebat, vt nihil statuere posset; verum exemplo Pyrrhonis suspensus haerebat etiam ac considerabat.