Laudator Temporis Acti

Epistula Caesaris Augusti ad Astypalaeos = Inscriptiones Graecae XII,3 174, tr. Allan Chester Johnson et al., Ancient Roman Statutes (1961; rpt. Clark: The Lawbook Exchange, Ltd., 2003), p. 124, § 147:

When I ordered my friend Asinius Gallus of my retinue to examine by torture their slaves, who were accused in the charge, I learned that Philinus, son of Chrysippus, had gone for three successive nights to the dwelling of Eubulus, son of Anaxandrides, and Tryphera, crying out insults and threatening to break in by force. On the third night Philinus was joined in the attack by his brother Eubulus, son of Chrysippus. Eubulus, son of Anaxandrides, and Tryphera, the owners of the house, seeing that they neither had a quarrel with Philinus nor were able to find safety in their own home, though they barricaded themselves against their attacks, gave orders to one of their slaves not to commit murder, as perhaps one might be inclined with justifiable anger, but to repel them by pouring the contents of the chamber pots over their heads. But the slave—whether accidentally or intentionally, for he persisted in his denial—let go the pot with its contents, and Eubulus fell, though it would have been more in accordance with justice, if his brother had been killed instead.

Gardy-loo!

Greek here (thanks to Joel Eidsath for the link).

Labels: noctes scatologicae