Laudator Temporis Acti

When I saw these wagon wheels outside of an antique shop yesterday, I was reminded of this passage from Chaucer's Summoner's Tale (lines 589-622, tr. Nevill Coghill):

'Well, when the weather, sir,' he said, 'is fair.
When there's no wind or movement in the air,
Then have a cart-wheel brought into this hall,
But see the spokes are fitted — twelve in all,
A cartwheel has twelve spokes — then, by and by,
Bring me twelve friars. You will ask me why?
Well, thirteen make a convent, as I guess,
And this confessor here, for worthiness,
Shall bring the number to thirteen, my lord.
Then they shall all kneel down with one accord;
To each spoke's end a friar, I propose,
Shall very seriously lay his nose.
Your excellent confessor, whom God save,
Shall put his nose right up under the nave,
And then the churl, with belly stiff and taut
As drum or tabor, hither shall be brought,
Set on the wheel thus taken from the cart
Above the nave, and made to let a fart.
Then you will see, as surely as I live,
And by a proof that is demonstrative,
That equally the sound of it will wend,
Together with the stink, to the spokes' end,
Save that this worthy friar, your confessor,
Being of great honour, they of lesser,
Shall have the first-fruits, as is only right.
A noble custom, in which friars unite,
Is that a worthy man should first be served
And certainly it will be well-deserved.
Today his preaching did us so much good,
Being beneath the pulpit where he stood,
That I'd allow him, if it fell to me,
First smell of every fart, say up to three,
And so would all his convent I am sure,
His bearing is so holy, fair and pure.'

"My lord," quod he, "whan that the weder is fair,
Withouten wynd or perturbynge of air,        590
Lat brynge a cartwheel heere into this halle;
But looke that it have his spokes alle, —
Twelve spokes hath a cartwheel comunly.
And bryng me thanne twelve freres. Woot ye why?
For thrittene is a covent, as I gesse.        595
Youre confessour heere, for his worthynesse,
Shal parfoune up the nombre of his covent,
Thanne shal they knele doun, by oon assent,
And to every spokes ende, in this manere,
Ful sadly leye his nose shal a frere.        600
Youre noble confessour — there God hym save! —
Shal holde his nose upright under the nave.
Thanne shal this cherl, with bely stif and toght
As any tabour, hyder been ybroght;
And sette hym on the wheel right of this cart.        605
Upon the nave, and make hym lete a fart.
And ye shul seen, up peril of my lyf,
By preeve which that is demonstratif,
That equally the soun of it wol wende,
And eke the stynk, unto the spokes ende.        610
Save that this worthy man, youre confessour,
By cause he is a man of greet honour,
Shal have the firste fruyt, as resoun is.
The noble usage of freres yet is this,
The worthy men of hem shul first be served;        615
And certeinly he hath it well disserved.
He hath to-day taught us so muche good
With prechyng in the pulpit the he stood,
That I may vouche sauf, I sey for me,
He hadde the firste smel of fartes thre;        620
And so wolde al his covent hardily,
He bereth hym so faire and hoolily."

Labels: noctes scatologicae