Laudator Temporis Acti

Aristophanes, Knights 710-721 (tr. Jeffrey Henderson, slightly revised):

PAPHLAGON
I’ll haul you before Demos and get justice from you!        710
SAUSAGE SELLER
And I’ll haul you, and outslander you!
PAPHLAGON
But Demos doesn’t listen to anything you say, you creep,
whereas I can make a fool of him as much as I want.
SAUSAGE SELLER
You’re pretty sure you’ve got Demos in your pocket.
PAPHLAGON
Right; I know the sort of tidbits he likes.        715
SAUSAGE SELLER
Sure, you feed him, just like the nannies: badly!
You chew some food and feed him a morsel,
after you’ve bolted down three times as much yourself.
PAPHLAGON
And what’s more, by god, thanks to my dexterity
I can make Demos expand and contract.        720
SAUSAGE SELLER
Even my arsehole can do that trick!

ΠΑΦΛΑΓΩΝ
ἕλξω σε πρὸς τὸν δῆμον, ἵνα δῷς μοι δίκην.        710
ΑΛΛΑΝΤΟΠΩΛΗΣ
κἀγὼ δὲ σ᾿ ἕλξω καὶ διαβαλῶ πλείονα.
ΠΑΦΛΑΓΩΝ
ἀλλ᾿, ὦ πόνηρε, σοὶ μὲν οὐδὲν πείθεται·
ἐγὼ δ᾿ ἐκείνου καταγελῶ γ᾿ ὅσον θέλω.
ΑΛΛΑΝΤΟΠΩΛΗΣ
ὡς σφόδρα σὺ τὸν δῆμον σεαυτοῦ νενόμικας.
ΠΑΦΛΑΓΩΝ
ἐπίσταμαι γὰρ αὐτὸν οἷς ψωμίζεται.        715
ΑΛΛΑΝΤΟΠΩΛΗΣ
κᾆθ᾿ ὥσπερ αἱ τίτθαι γε σιτίζεις κακῶς·
μασώμενος γὰρ τῷ μὲν ὀλίγον ἐντίθης,
αὐτὸς δ᾿ ἐκείνου τριπλάσιον κατέσπακας.
ΠΑΦΛΑΓΩΝ
καὶ νὴ Δί᾿ ὑπό γε δεξιότητος τῆς ἐμῆς
δύναμαι ποιεῖν τὸν δῆμον εὐρὺν καὶ στενόν.        720
ΑΛΛΑΝΤΟΠΩΛΗΣ
χὠ πρωκτὸς οὑμὸς τουτογὶ σοφίζεται.

Cf. Benjamin Bickley Rogers' euphemistic rendering of line 721:

I can do that with many things, I trow.