Laudator Temporis Acti

[Warning — scatological and otherwise offensive content ahead.]

Dave Lull has drawn my attention to Google's Latin translation tool and a review of it by Mary Beard. In this post I feed the translation software some hitherto untranslated Neo-Latin to see what comes out.

On pp. 355-359 of Caspar Dornavius, Amphitheatrum sapientiae Socraticae joco-seriae (Hanoviae: Typis Wechelianis, 1619), is an edition of De peditu eiusque speciebus, crepitu et visio, Discursus methodicus, In theses digestus: quas praeside clariss. viro, Bombardo Stevarzio, Clarefortiensi, Defendere conabitur Buldrianus Sclopetarius, Blesensis. Disputabuntur autem in Aedibus Divae Cloacinae, a summo mane, ad noctem usque mediam (Clareforti: Apud Stancarum Cepollam, 1596).

Here is how Google renders the title into English:

Of the infantry and its species,, and the vision of the clashing of the discussion in methodically, In the theses and sorted: as if an assistance of the illustrious. the man, the ball chamber Stevarzio, Clarefortiensi, it will endeavor Buldrianus The defense of the Sclopetarius, of Blois. Be discussed in the Offices of the Cloacina of the Goddess, from the top in the morning, as far as the middle of the night to the

Many years ago, I taught Latin for a couple of semesters, and I used to tell students, "It makes sense in Latin, and it must make sense in English." By this measure alone, Google's translation fails. I translate the title thus:

A Systematic Treatise on Farting and its Types (Loud and Soft) Arranged by Theses, which Buldrianus Sclopetarius of Blois will Attempt to Defend under the Direction of the Most Illustrious Gentleman Bombardus Stevarzius of Clarefort. The Theses will be Debated in the Temple of the Goddess Cloacina, from Early Morning until Midnight.

One of the questions posed (on p. 359) is this:

An personae pedentis dignitas aliquid authoritati peditus? Exempli gratia, utrum peditus Papae dignior sit, quam gregarii alicujus sacrificuli, ambobus eadem quantitate & qualitate existentibus?

Google's translation of the question:

Is it something the dignity of the person pedentis the authority of infantry? For example, whether the infantry and more worthy of the Pope is, and how a common and sacrificing priests, of any one, to both of the same size and the quality of existing?

Infantry? How many legions does the Pope have? I translate the question thus:

Does the rank of the person farting contribute anything to the authority of the fart? For example, is the fart of a Pope more worthy than that of some common priest, when both farts are of the same volume and quality?

And now the answer to the question:

Resp. Quod sic. Nam Papae aut Imp. alicujus crepitum nemo reprehendit, sed omnes salutis acclamatione approbant. Quod secus in aliis inferioribus, qui interdum etiam ob id, contra omnia tamen iura, mulctantur. Nam iura naturae immutabilia sunt, & parva consuetudine contraria minime mutantur.

The answer as rendered by Google:

Ans. This is explained thus. For the pope, or Imp. no one even reproved the crack of any one, but that all of salvation is approved by acclamation. That situation is otherwise with the other inferior orders, which are sometimes also because of this, contrary to the rights of all, however, is fined. For the laws of nature are immutable, contrary custom or small change, not at all.

My translation of the answer:

The answer is yes. For no one criticizes the fart of a Pope or an Emperor, but all praise it with a Bravo. It is different with others of lower rank, who are sometimes even illegally penalized for this. For the laws of nature are unchanging, and they are scarcely altered by insignificant contrary custom.

Thanks to Eric Thomson for improving my translation in a couple of spots. I learned about this treatise from Sari Kivistö, Medical Analogy in Latin Satire (New York: Palgrave Macmillan, 2009), pp. 167-168.

It's heartening, in a way, to see how inept Google's Latin translation tool is, compared with what human beings can do. Our brains aren't obsolete quite yet.

Labels: Luddism, noctes scatologicae