Laudator Temporis Acti

Isaiah 3.16-23:

[16] Moreover the Lord saith, Because the daughters of Zion are haughty, and walk with stretched forth necks and wanton eyes, walking and mincing as they go, and making a tinkling with their feet: [17] Therefore the Lord will smite with a scab the crown of the head of the daughters of Zion, and the Lord will discover their secret parts. [18] In that day the Lord will take away the bravery of their tinkling ornaments about their feet, and their cauls, and their round tires like the moon, [19] The chains, and the bracelets, and the mufflers, [20] The bonnets, and the ornaments of the legs, and the headbands, and the tablets, and the earrings, [21] The rings, and nose jewels, [22] The changeable suits of apparel, and the mantles, and the wimples, and the crisping pins, [23] The glasses, and the fine linen, and the hoods, and the vails.

One would think that Isaiah had observed modern-day fashion models on the runway, "with stretched forth necks and wanton eyes, walking and mincing as they go." Or maybe in verse 16 he was using the prophetic present tense, and under the inspiration of the Holy Ghost he actually foresaw the contestants on America's Next Top Model. The only details he omits are the pouts and scowls. Zion could be Paris or Milan or New York, the capitals of the fashion industry.

The round tires in verse 18 aren't of the Firestone variety, but hats, and the cauls in the same verse are cowls. Likewise the glasses in verse 23 aren't Gianfranco Ferré shades at $300 per pair, but mirrors. Tablets in verse 20 are probably amulets.