Laudator Temporis Acti

Oh, the Roman was a rogue,
  He erat was, you bettum;
He ran his automobilis
  And smoked his cigarettum;
He wore a diamond studibus
  And elegant cravattum,
A maxima cum laude shirt,
  And a stylish hattum!

He loved the luscious hic-haec-hoc,
  And bet on games and equi;
At times he won, at others, though,
  He got it in the necqui;
He winked (quo usque tandem?)
  At puellas on the Forum,
And sometimes even made
  Those goo-goo oculorum!

He frequently was seen
  At combats gladiatorial,
And ate enough to feed
  Ten boarders at Memorial;
He often went on sprees
  And said, on starting homus,
"Hic labor -- opus est,
  Oh, where's my hic--hic--domus?"

Although he lived in Rome --
  Of all the arts the middle --
He was (excuse the phrase)
  A horrid individ'l;
Ah! what a diff'rent thing
  Was the homo (dative, hominy)
Of far-away B.C.
  From us of Anno Domini.