Laudator Temporis Acti

I was reading Joseph Addison's essay in The Spectator on clubs (March 10, 1711), and found there a reference to Ben Jonson's Leges Conviviales, "in Four and Twenty Latin sentences engraven in marble over the chimney, in the Apollo or Old Devil Tavern at Temple Bar; that being his club room." The marble engraving doesn't survive, but the rules do. Here are the rules, first in a rather free English translation and then in the original Latin, both from The Works of Ben Jonson. With Notes Critical and Explanatory and a Biographical Memoir by W. Gifford Esq. With Introduction and Appendices by Lieut.-Col. F. Cunningham, Vol. IX (London: Bickers and Son, 1875), pp. 69-72:

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Rules for the Tavern Academy or, Laws for the Beaux Esprits

I.
1 As the fund of our pleasure, let each pay his shot,
Except some chance friend, whom a member brings in.
2 Far hence be the sad, the lewd fop, and the sot;
For such have the plagues of good company been.

II.
3 Let the learned and witty, the jovial and gay,
The generous and honest, compose our free state;
4 And the more to exalt our delight whilst we stay,
Let none be debarr'd from his choice female mate.

III.
5 Let no scent offensive the chamber infest.
6 Let fancy, not cost, prepare all our dishes.
7 Let the caterer mind the taste of each guest,
And the cook, in his dressing, comply with their wishes.

IV.
8 Let's have no disturbance about taking places,
To shew your nice breeding, or out of vain pride.
9 Let the drawers be ready with wine and fresh glasses,
Let the waiters have eyes, though their tongues must be ty'd.

V.
10 Let our wines without mixture or stum, be all fine,
Or call up the master, and break his dull noddle.
11 Let no sober bigot here think it a sin,
To push on the chirping and moderate bottle.

VI.
12 Let the contests be rather of books than of wine.
13 Let the company be neither noisy nor mute.
14 Let none of things serious, much less of divine,
When belly and head's full, profanely dispute.

VII.
15 Let no saucy fidler presume to intrude,
Unless he is sent for to vary our bliss.
16 With mirth, wit, and dancing, and singing conclude,
To regale every sense, with delight in excess.

VIII.
17 Let raillery be without malice or heat.
18 Dull poems to read let none privilege take.
19 Let no poetaster command or intreat
Another extempore verses to make.

IX.
20 Let argument bear no unmusical sound,
Nor jars interpose, sacred friendship to grieve.
21 For generous lovers let a corner be found,
Where they in soft sighs may their passions relieve.

X.
22 Like the old Lapithites, with the goblets to fight,
Our own 'mongst offences unpardon'd will rank,
Or breaking of windows, or glasses, for spight,
And spoiling the goods for a rakehelly prank.

XI.
23 Whoever shall publish what's said, or what's done,
Be he banish'd for ever our assembly divine.
24 Let the freedom we take be perverted by none,
To make any guilty by drinking good wine.

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LEGES CONVIVIALES, QUOD FOELIX FAUSTUMQUE CONVIVIS IN APOLLINE SIT

1 Nemo asymbolus, nisi umbra, huc venito.
2 Idiota, insulsus, tristis, turpis, abesto.
3 Eruditi, urbani, hilares, honesti adsciscuntor,
4 Nec lectae foeminae repudiantor.
5 In apparatu quod convivis corruget nares nil esto.
6 Epulae delectu potius quam sumptu parantor.
7 Obsonator et coquus convivarum gulae periti sunto.
8 De discubitu non contenditor.
9 Ministri a dapibus, oculati et muti,
A poculis auriti, et celeres sunto.
10 Vina puris fontibus ministrentor aut vapulet hospes.
11 Moderatis poculis provocare sodales fas esto.
12 At fabulis magis quam vino velitatio fiat.
13 Convivae nec muti nec loquaces sunto.
14 De seriis aut sacris poti et saturi ne disserunto.
15 Fidicen, nisi accersitus, non venito.
16 Admisso risu, tripudiis, choreis, salibus,
Omni gratiarum festivitate sacra celebrantor.
17 Joci sine felle sunto.
18 Insipida poemata nulla recitantor.
19 Versus scribere nullus cogitor.
20 Argumentationis totius strepitus abesto.
21 Amatoriis querelis ac suspiriis liber angulus esto.
22 Lapitharum more, scyphis pugnare, vitrea collidere,
Fenestras excutere, supellectilem dilacerare ne fas esto.
23 Qui foras dicta vel facta eliminet, eliminator.
24 Neminem reum pocula faciunto.
Focus perennis esto.