Laudator Temporis Acti

Many years ago, when I visited my friend Tim Nagler (R.I.P.), he wrote the following parody of a newspaper article:

Noted classicist visits city;
Roman banquet slated

MONTGOMERY, Dec. 30 — Michael Gilleland, the noted classical scholar, made a surprise stop in Montgomery today en route to the University of Virginia, where he holds the Colker-Stocker Chair of Classical Studies. Local Latinists seized the occasion to announce that they would hold a banquet — one local official promised "an orgy" — in his honor.

"Are the classics dead? No way!" said Mr. Gilleland to a throng of admirers as he stepped off a Trailways bus this afternoon. "If you don't believe me, discipuli, come to the party they're planning."

Homer Cicero, president of the Montgomery chapter of the American Classical Studies Society, was on hand to welcome Mr. Gilleland to the city. "For me this is the most exciting moment of my life," Mr. Cicero said, as he gazed at the crowd surrounding Mr. Gilleland. "He puts (Richard) Bentley to shame," Mr. Cicero added. Bentley, he explained, was the most famous English classicist of the Eighteenth Century.

The local chapter has booked every room of the Montgomery Civic Center for the banquet tomorrow night. "You would not believe the menu," said Maistro deGustibus, the food manager for the Civic Center. Mr. deGustibus hinted, however, that there would be at least 17 courses, each accompanied with a separate vintage wine.

According to Mr. Cicero, the toastmaster and principal speaker for the banquet will be John E. Robertson, sometime banker and financier and lifetime president of the Chicago Classical Society. Mr. Robertson's address is to be titled "The Open Pit Mine in the Time of Homer," but Mr. Cicero said no one should be deterred. "Let's put it this way — Robertson has some experience hoisting a glass," Mr. Cicero said with a smile.